Living with an Anxious Partner

Last time we talked about coping with a partner who has an anxiety disorder. Even the most supportive person will find challenges when he lives with someone suffering from anxiety.

  • If your partner is nervous around crowds, and you like a good party, you may find yourself declining invitations, leaving you feeling isolated and lonely.
  • Big decisions, and even small ones, become a calculation. Should you bring up the issue requiring a decision and thus, possibly triggering an anxiety attack in your partner? Or should you take on the burden of making the decision on your own?
  • When your anxious spouse’s behavior makes it hard for him to keep a well-paying job, do you feel financial pressure? Do you feel compelled to push yourself to earn more? Or maybe your spouse is threatened by a move that would advance your career?
  • Parenting is a trial when your partner is overly worried about every move your kids make, resulting in constant conflict and disagreement. Your spouse may also be worried about every move you make, rendering you restricted and confined.

Basically, if you live with someone with an anxiety disorder, you spend much of your time walking on eggshells. You are constantly on red alert to keep your partner calm, your relationship smooth, and yourself sane.

Marriage Counseling, Couples Therapy, Relationships

Cut It Off at the Pass

 

Over time, you’ll learn to identify what triggers your partner’s anxiety. Once you know this, you can plan ahead, and cut off anxiety attacks at the pass. When your partner shows the beginning signs of anxiety, you can help him. Ask him what issue is making him anxious, and then talk to him about it rationally. What aspects of his fear are accurate and what are not? Gently explain why his inaccurate fears are unfounded in a calm deliberate way until his anxiety begins to subside.

 

Contingency Plans

 

No matter how good you are at anticipating your partner’s anxiety, things will happen outside your control to trigger him. The key is to remain flexible and be able to change plans at a moment’s notice. Keep your antennae up when it comes to his feelings, which is a tall order on a constant basis. You can only do your best. You might also agree in advance to a word or phrase he can say that will be a signal to you that he needs help calming his fears.

 

Offer Support

 

The unexpected will happen, and you can simply remind your spouse that you are steadfast in your support. You can say, “Everything’s okay, I’m here for you.” Let him know you understand he’s suffering and tell him he’s in a safe place. Use a soothing, reassuring tone. But don’t try to fix him, or tell him to stop, or tell him he shouldn’t feel how he feels. Hopefully, you’ll learn when to talk to him and when to back off. If it serves him well, you can explore with him the sources of his behavior and talk about what you can do together to help him through his anxiety.

 

Talk and Listen

 

As in every marriage, communication is paramount. Make regular talking and listening sessions an essential part of your relationship. This is an ideal time to tackle tough subjects while he is not at his most anxious. Talk about finances, sharing household duties, raising children, work issues—anything that might be difficult to discuss when he’s feeling anxious.

 

Time, patience, and good communication will serve you well.

 

Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: https://www.nancyscounselingcorner.com/comtact

 

 

 

 

 

If you found this post helpful, you might also enjoy exploring some of our other articles that dive deeper into the topics of relationships, communication, and emotional wellness. Whether you’re looking to strengthen your current connection, better understand co-dependency, or prepare for a healthy marriage, these related posts offer valuable insights and tools to support your journey. Take a look—you may find just what you need.

Related Posts

The Key to Love

Multiple studies have been conducted exploring the idea that two people can develop a close relationship by sharing their most intimate thoughts. In one famous study the two people involved began as strangers, but soon, through a series of increasingly more probing questions, they became close. The questions began innocuously enough, as a getting-to-know-you exercise. They progressed to more personal issues that left each person feeling vulnerable. When the self-disclosure

Read More »

Unseen Trauma, Shame, Codependency

The trauma of being unseen often lies at the root of both shame and codependency, quietly shaping how we relate to ourselves and others throughout our lives. This unseen wound—often rooted in early relational experiences—leaves an enduring imprint on our emotional landscape, one that can quietly dictate our behavior, self-worth, and capacity for connection well into adulthood. When a person’s emotional reality is consistently ignored, dismissed, or invalidated—especially during the

Read More »

Sex, Sex, and More Sex

Sex is often the cornerstone of a good relationship. Sure, it’s possible to have a wonderful relationship without it, but sex can really enhance and strengthen your journey as a couple. In fact, research tells us that couples who are committed long-term, and who can communicate with each other about their sex life, have better sex and have it more often than those who don’t talk about it. They feel

Read More »
RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING SERVICES

Find The Counseling Service That Is Right For You

At Nancy’s Counseling Corner, we’re here to support every stage of your relationship journey. Whether you’re navigating challenges in your marriage, preparing for lifelong commitment through premarital counseling, or working through the emotions of separation and divorce, our services are designed with care, compassion, and expertise. We specialize in Marriage Counseling, Relationship Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Divorce Counseling, Co-dependency Counseling—and so much more. No matter where you are, healing and growth are possible. Let’s take that next step—together.

Marriage & Couples Counseling

Marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires hard work, love, care, and understanding the needs of other people.

Relationship Counseling

Can help you find–and keep–the love of your life. Relationships are challenging and require an extensive amount of patience.

Divorce Counseling

Divorce Counseling is an emotional and strenuous thought for those seeking to solve marital problems.

Depression Counseling

Depression is a mental disorder characterized by at least 10-14 days of noticeable or recognizable low mood.

Co-dependency

“Codependency” is a term we hear thrown around a lot these days, though many of us aren’t sure exactly what it means.

Premarital Counseling

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Anxiety Counseling

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Meditation

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Hypnosis

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.