Learning to Live with Conflict

There’s good news and bad news about long-term relationships. The bad news first: Many problems in a relationship cannot be solved. Ever. Problems like traits your partner has that bug you. Or certain hard-core beliefs he has that conflict with yours. There are just some issues that are unsolvable, and every couple has them.

The good news? You can learn to live with them and have a pretty happy marriage in spite of conflict. All you have to do is you learn to manage the conflict. That’s easier said than done, of course, but there’s more good news. There are proven ways to help you be successful.

Learning To Live With Conflict Nancy'S Counseling Corner

Rule 1. Remain calm. You’re going to have to talk about problems, so when you do, make sure you both start out calm and cool. Be careful not to use incendiary language. Address the issue in a respectful way and be as positive as possible. Watch your tone of voice. And remember, sarcasm might feel good but your partner won’t appreciate it.

Rule 2. Speak softly. That is, be the opposite of aggressive. Use a soft opening to the conversation, like, “What do you think about. . .?” Or, “Can I ask you a favor…?” Instead of “You put me down in front of the kids. You humiliated me!” try something like this: “I need to ask you something. I feel bad when you don’t support me, especially in front of the kids. Could you please think about that in the future?”

Rule 3. Take turns. When one person has the floor, the other must listen quietly without interruption. And really listen instead of planning your rebuttal while your partner speaks. You will have your turn, but be in the moment. Concentrate on what he’s saying and try to walk in his shoes. When he is finished, pause before you speak to gather your thoughts and to help you keep calm. If things get too heated, take a break. Try mindful breathing or brewing a cup of tea while your emotions return to normal.

Rule 4. Actively deescalate. Repeat key words and phrases your partner has used to make sure you are clear about what he is saying. Respond with sympathetic phrases like, “I feel your pain,” or “I hear you.” Rephrase what your partner said in your own words and ask if you understood him correctly. Use encouraging body language like nodding your head and making eye contact. And never underestimate the power of humor. It has diffused many an argument.

Rule 5. Offer a genuine apology. Note the word “genuine.” You can only do this when you feel you’ve been at fault in some way and take responsibility for your actions. Did you use a nasty tone? Were you mad at your boss, but you took it out on your partner? Reflect on your own actions and you will know in your heart if you need to apologize. If your partner is still not satisfied, ask what he needs from you so you can both move on in harmony.

Rule 6. Agree to disagree. Some things just can’t be fixed. Each partner has a viable point of view and never the twain shall meet. It’s time to accept and acknowledge your difference. Try to understand your partner’s position, and what’s at stake for him. Ask questions so you can fully explore the issue and perhaps find areas where you can overlap and agree. There may be places where you can make small compromises to facilitate your partner’s desire.

 

Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: https://nancyscounselingcorner.com/contact.

<h3><a href=”https://www.nancyscounselingcorner.com/appointment/“>Schedule a Couples Therapy Appointment</a></h3>

 

If you found this post helpful, you might also enjoy exploring some of our other articles that dive deeper into the topics of relationships, communication, and emotional wellness. Whether you’re looking to strengthen your current connection, better understand co-dependency, or prepare for a healthy marriage, these related posts offer valuable insights and tools to support your journey. Take a look—you may find just what you need.

Related Posts

Uncategorized
Nancy Travers

The Trifecta of Tortured Relationships: Why You Feel So Alone Together

The Trifecta of Tortured Relationships: Why You Feel So Alone Together When couples first come together, it feels like magic. You feel emotionally safe. Supported. Loved. Your partner is the one person you can count on in times of trouble and triumph—a true safe harbor. But over time, that connection can erode. You may feel alone even when you’re together. You might start to wonder: When trust breaks down, emotional

Read More »

Choose Your Partner

A friend told me that every time her husband touches her arm with affection, which is every morning as they wake up, she is stunned that he loves her. No matter what stupid stuff she did the day before, no matter how permanently flawed her personality, he demonstrates that he loves her. Unconditionally. He cherishes her and he lets her know it, even though he merely touches her arm. It’s

Read More »

What and How ADHD Affects Relationships

What ADHD Is in a Relationship Context ADHD isn’t just about distractibility or hyperactivity. It’s a neurological difference that affects: These issues don’t just show up at work or school — they show up at home, in arguments, in missed cues, and in emotional connections. 💥 How ADHD Affects Relationships 1. Forgetfulness & Disorganization 2. Inattention & Distractibility 3. Impulsivity 4. Hyperfocus (Ironically!) 5. Emotional Dysregulation 6. Uneven Responsibility ❤️

Read More »
RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING SERVICES

Find The Counseling Service That Is Right For You

At Nancy’s Counseling Corner, we’re here to support every stage of your relationship journey. Whether you’re navigating challenges in your marriage, preparing for lifelong commitment through premarital counseling, or working through the emotions of separation and divorce, our services are designed with care, compassion, and expertise. We specialize in Marriage Counseling, Relationship Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Divorce Counseling, Co-dependency Counseling—and so much more. No matter where you are, healing and growth are possible. Let’s take that next step—together.

Marriage & Couples Counseling

Marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires hard work, love, care, and understanding the needs of other people.

Relationship Counseling

Can help you find–and keep–the love of your life. Relationships are challenging and require an extensive amount of patience.

Divorce Counseling

Divorce Counseling is an emotional and strenuous thought for those seeking to solve marital problems.

Depression Counseling

Depression is a mental disorder characterized by at least 10-14 days of noticeable or recognizable low mood.

Co-dependency

“Codependency” is a term we hear thrown around a lot these days, though many of us aren’t sure exactly what it means.

Premarital Counseling

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Anxiety Counseling

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Meditation

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Hypnosis

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.