Enjoying the closeness of someone who understands you completely—who knows how you feel and is always on your side—is the key to a happy, fulfilled relationship. Some couples start out this way, but the demands of a busy life take over and the closeness fades. Others begin without that deep understanding, but over time, grow to achieve a warm intimacy. To have a partner who knows you through and through and loves you relentlessly for who you really are—that is the prize.
How do you achieve closeness in your relationship?
First, you must love and trust yourself. Not an easy task for some, especially those with low self-esteem. But you can’t trust someone else to love you if you don’t love yourself. Intimacy requires that you let your partner see your most vulnerable self. You take a risk exposing yourself, but you have to have faith that your partner will love you anyway, regardless of your flaws. Your partner has flaws, too—we all do—and letting him see yours is a risk that’s required. You have to be willing to see his, too, with an open mind and an open heart.
How do you get over the fear of taking the risk?
Let’s face it. It’s scary to unearth your innermost feelings. But if you are too afraid to let your partner see the real you, then your fear will keep you from enjoying the intimacy you could have. True, there are no guarantees. You could bare your soul, and your partner could disappoint you. But if you don’t create an atmosphere where intimacy can thrive, then you will certainly miss out on having a close relationship.
What can you do to develop intimacy?
- Take a hard look at what is at the root of your fear of intimacy. Examine your feelings. Try to discover what is holding you back.
- Imagine how rewarding a truly close, loving relationship could make you feel. What are some ways you could be more honest and open that would ultimately move you to an intimate partnership?
- Set some goals for yourself. Start with sharing your feelings that are non-threatening to you and work your way up to sharing more vulnerable thoughts.
- Realize that you deserve a loving, supportive, close relationship. Be determined to quell any feelings of unworthiness and work to banish self-defeating thoughts.
- Find a friend or therapist who can guide you toward intimacy with your partner.
Healthy, happy relationships are worth working for. A truly supportive, intimate partnership is one of the greatest joys of life.
Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: https://www.nancyscounselingcorner.com/comtact
