The trouble with the term “narcissist” is that it is used liberally, when a very small percentage of the population is actually diagnosed with Narcissist Personality Disorder. But many people exhibit some upsetting traits that are often associated with narcissism. One of those traits is a low emotional intelligence quotient, or EQ.
People with low EQs have trouble managing their own emotions and trouble understanding others’ emotions. It can be tough to love someone who is emotionally tone deaf. It may seem like he has a self-centered disregard for you, and that makes it truly difficult to trust, to connect, and to be intimate.
What are some narcissistic traits?
Self-Important. The most obvious narcissistic trait is a sense of self-importance. Your partner feels that he is superior to others, including you. He is so full of himself that he has little room in his heart for anyone else.
Entitled. He grew up with adults who encouraged him to believe he was extraordinary and deserved the very best of everything in life. That means, if you’re in a relationship with this person, you come in second. Sometimes a very distant second.
Only Associates with Others Who Are Special. Since he’s super special, he only wants to be around others who are important, wealthy, beautiful, powerful or accomplished. All the other “little people” are not worthy of his attention.
Arrogant. He has an exaggerated sense of his own talent and abilities and believes he must be admired by others. Reality be damned. He wants others to recognize what he “knows.” He’s better than you and so many others.
Lacking Empathy. Narcissists are notoriously lacking in empathy. This makes sense, because they are so wrapped up in themselves, they can hardly be expected to think about how other people feel. And they don’t mind using or exploiting you to their own advantage. They don’t care how you feel about it.
Can you survive in a relationship?
If your partner exhibits all the traits of a narcissist, you’ve got a challenge on your hands. By the very nature of his personality disorder, he does not think he’s flawed, and therefore, he doesn’t think he needs to change his behavior. It takes tremendous patience to help your partner overcome his problem, but it’s important, because his problem is your problem, too.
Living with a narcissist can eat away at your own self-esteem, because when a narcissist puts himself first all the time, you begin to feel belittled. He doesn’t empathize, so he doesn’t know how you feel, and worse, he doesn’t care. You can feel put down a lot of the time. So, you have to protect your mental health, consider the source of the scorn you get, and find a way to set boundaries. Sometimes you just have to walk away.
Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: https://www.nancyscounselingcorner.com/contact