Why is dating so hard?

It is said you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince or princess. In the American culture today, if instant gratification is not attainable, everything is disposable. We must ask ourselves, is anything worthwhile ever easy? Dating, and the process of selecting a mate, requires people to step outside of their comfort zones and allow someone else to get to know them; but first, they must know (and like) themselves. Both of these tasks require courage, motivation, and a desire to make the effort. Many people are not willing to do that much work. Our culture, especially if you\’re familiar with Hollywood, has taught us that it should not be so hard. Unfortunately, if you\’re not prepared to get out there and make the effort, the chances of finding someone are close to zero.

Frequently, people try to be someone they\’re not in order to convince potential mates to like them. Eventually this will backfire, because the “real you” will come out. In other cases, expectations may be too high. If you believe that because you got a date you\’re on your way to marriage, you may be setting your hopes too high. Learning to allow your own personality to do the talking is vital. Relax, it\’s just a date. It\’s easy to forget that the point is to have a good time and enjoy the company.

Even when we employ all the recommendations and follow all the rules, for some reason we just don’t seem to meet the right person. If dating was easy we would meet our perfect person within days of beginning to look. This would lead us to wonder, later, about what we might have missed.

Many people have a sense of entitlement, in which they will not “settle” for someone less than they believe they deserve. Unfortunately, there are no perfect people. Remember, this applies to ourselves as well as the people we date. The older we get, the more selective we become. Often this is because we have been hurt, deceived or had other experiences that have left us jaded; our negative experiences have outweighed our positive experiences in dating. Being “picky” is a hard-earned, well-deserved trait. We may have learned not to trust or let ourselves be vulnerable because of things that have happened in the past, yet we shouldn\’t let our past control us or we become the victims of our own insecurities. Cautious optimism is a good way to start.

Pickiness is not, necessarily, a bad trait. It may be that we have learned what we\’re looking for, and what we will not accept, in a mate and we now have the confidence to demand it. In addition, there may be children (and exes) added to the mix. Parents can\’t afford to play the field because it isn\’t just their lives, or hearts, at stake. Regardless, keep in mind that without risk there is no reward.

Some people treat dating as a sideline that they try to fit in between work, friends and hobbies. Relationships require an openness that many people just don’t seem to possess. Dating can be fun; it doesn\’t have to be hard. If you\’re confident with who you are and with what you believe in, listen and laugh with your date, and spend time getting to know each other, things may work out and it may require little additional effort.

In dating we have to risk getting our hearts and egos bruised repeatedly. We have to be willing to spend time primping so we look good on a first date; then we discover within the first 5 minutes that the person is not “the one.” But if we want to find our ideal match and not allow the duds to cause us to swear off dating permanently, we have to keep going on dates.

 

If you found this post helpful, you might also enjoy exploring some of our other articles that dive deeper into the topics of relationships, communication, and emotional wellness. Whether you’re looking to strengthen your current connection, better understand co-dependency, or prepare for a healthy marriage, these related posts offer valuable insights and tools to support your journey. Take a look—you may find just what you need.

Related Posts

How Overcontrolling Behaviors Impact Relationships

Overcontrol, defined as excessive or maladaptive self control, can lead to significant problems in our relationships. People with overcontrolled traits may not realize their behaviors are contributing to relationship problems, or may not know how to make changes. Having the ability for high self-control isn’t bad; it can be a very good thing. People with high self control often care deeply about what happens. What is important is to look

Read More »

Are You in Love with a Narcissist?

The trouble with the term “narcissist” is that it is used liberally, when a very small percentage of the population is actually diagnosed with Narcissist Personality Disorder. But many people exhibit some upsetting traits that are often associated with narcissism. One of those traits is a low emotional intelligence quotient, or EQ. People with low EQs have trouble managing their own emotions and trouble understanding others’ emotions. It can be

Read More »

Therapy Isn’t Something to Be Ashamed Of

As a therapist, as well as someone who goes to therapy, I can speak firsthand about the importance of attending therapy. Think of it this way: you are driving your car and suddenly you hear a funny noise. At first, you ignore it and hope it goes away. But over time, the noise starts to get worse and soon you realize you need to repair whatever’s wrong. Stigma of therapy

Read More »
RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING SERVICES

Find The Counseling Service That Is Right For You

At Nancy’s Counseling Corner, we’re here to support every stage of your relationship journey. Whether you’re navigating challenges in your marriage, preparing for lifelong commitment through premarital counseling, or working through the emotions of separation and divorce, our services are designed with care, compassion, and expertise. We specialize in Marriage Counseling, Relationship Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Divorce Counseling, Co-dependency Counseling—and so much more. No matter where you are, healing and growth are possible. Let’s take that next step—together.

Marriage & Couples Counseling

Marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires hard work, love, care, and understanding the needs of other people.

Relationship Counseling

Can help you find–and keep–the love of your life. Relationships are challenging and require an extensive amount of patience.

Divorce Counseling

Divorce Counseling is an emotional and strenuous thought for those seeking to solve marital problems.

Depression Counseling

Depression is a mental disorder characterized by at least 10-14 days of noticeable or recognizable low mood.

Co-dependency

“Codependency” is a term we hear thrown around a lot these days, though many of us aren’t sure exactly what it means.

Premarital Counseling

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Anxiety Counseling

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Meditation

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Hypnosis

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.