In the classic musical, My Fair Lady, a confirmed bachelor laments, why can’t a woman be more like a man? But when it comes to mental health, the question should be the opposite. Why can’t a man be more like a woman? Or at least, why can’t some men be more like some women?
Because women don’t face the same obstacles to accessing healthy emotions as men do. The idea that strong men are stoic and silent is outdated, yet there are still plenty of people who feel this way. Many men are still taught that being emotional is a sign of weakness. And crying is taboo.
It’s not that men are immune to mental health problems. Six million men suffer from depression in the United States every year. And more men than women succeed in their attempts at suicide. But men are taught that it’s somehow unmanly to express emotion, and when women express emotion, men dismiss such a display. When a man says, “Oh, you’re so emotional,” it’s not a compliment. It’s a way of diminishing a person and their feelings.
What’s a mentally healthy guy to do?
There’s still a stigma connected to depression, anxiety, and stress that plagues men just as much as women. But some men feel they are supposed to muscle up and push through it without help, which sometimes works, but often doesn’t.
What does work is building a strong network of friends and relationships that provide men with the support and understanding they need to face the challenges of emotional problems. Men with good social support systems are routinely found to have fewer depressive symptoms. Furthermore, those men who enjoy close connections with their spouses or friends, and feel comfortable talking about their emotions, are apt to be more resilient when it comes to mental health problems.
A healthy discussion requires a good vocabulary.
If you want to discuss your mental health with your partner or friend, it helps to have some knowledge of a wide range of emotions and how to identify them. It helps to know how to recognize different emotional states and how to talk about them. That means a more nuanced understanding and a more specific vocabulary.
It also helps to be able to talk with someone whom you trust not to judge you. Someone who will listen to you with sympathy. Someone who will help you find a way to manage your emotions, even if they are just simply there for you. And if they are, chances are you will create a deeper relationship with them. Which, in turn, creates a stronger support network, which helps you maintain your mental health.
Only strong, self-aware men recognize when they need help and are sensible enough to seek it.
Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: https://www.nancyscounselingcorner.com/comtact