If you are in a long and lasting relationship, chances are, the cornerstone of it is commitment.
Maybe when you start out, you know that commitment is an integral part of a successful
marriage. But until you are tested, and until you live through touch times that require dedication
to your partner, you may not fully understand what it means to be in a committed relationship. It
seems you often have to experience it to grasp the importance of commitment.
When you’re in a committed relationship, you:
Know viscerally that your partner cannot be replaced. You are with him because you can be
with no one else. You can’t even imagine being with anyone else. You can’t fathom your life
without your partner, lover, and friend by your side all the way. Until death do you part. And you
let him know how critical he is to your well-being, how important he is to your happiness. You let
him know verbally, as well as with other gestures large and small–maybe a shoulder rub when
he’s had a long day. Or maybe tickets to his favorite sporting event, even when it’s not your
favorite.
Earn your partner’s trust everyday. There may be times when you are tempted to side with
someone else against your partner, but resist the temptation. That doesn’t mean you have to
agree with everything he says and does. You have your own mind and you should express it.
Just be careful not to betray your partner, especially in front of others. It can be easy, too, to
betray him in little ways, like complaining about him to your friends. Or in big ways, like letting
someone else know his inner-most secrets. Your partner has to know you’re on his team and
that you can be trusted to never betray him.
Walk in your partner’s shoes, even when he’s not around. This amounts to thinking about
your partner’s wants and needs, even when you’re not with him. Maybe bring home his favorite
coffee when you’re out picking up some for yourself. Maybe letting him sleep while you take the
dog out for the early morning walk. These are small choices you make every day that
demonstrate your partner is important to you. And of course, consider him when you’re making
big decisions, like picking paint color for your bedroom, or buying something pricey about which
he should have some input. Never give up on him, even though times are hard. When you are hit with tough events–and
everyone is over the course of life–you are there for him and he’s there for you. Through scary
illnesses, the death of loved ones, the loss of jobs, and the tragedies of life. These are events that
test your commitment. When one of you experiences difficulties, you both experience distress.
And even though you are experiencing distress, you still find the energy to think about how your
partner is feeling and what you can do to support him.
Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective
counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: