If you keep making the same mistakes over and over again when in relationships with a man, Orange County counseling may help you figure out how to treat yourself better so you can hook a quality relationship.
Sleeping with a man isn’t always the event of the century, but very few women ever master the technique of ‘casual sex’. In fact, most women expect to feel nothing after the fact, but that’s simply not the case most of the time – especially if they like the man they slept with and see some potential relationship material when they stare at him in the morning before he wakes up.
The sad but honest truth is that even though a man is into you sexually, it doesn’t automatically mean he’s into you in any other way. Women often expect more once they devote themselves intimately – whether they consciously think so or not – and sometimes, men don’t get more interested but less, and start to “cool off†and act distant when all the woman wants is an even deeper connection.
A situation happening this way is pretty common, and usually it doesn’t make any lady feel good about herself and her decision to sleep with a man. So to avoid such self-esteem crushing feelings, it’s important to be aware of exactly what you should know before you take a handsome hunk to bed.
Intimate connection isn’t always the beginning of a relationship. It’s hard to separate all the feelings out when you feel sparks fly, especially when you haven’t had that kind of connection in awhile. And just because you both feel that way about one another doesn’t mean that you both interpret that feeling in the same way, since men and women are different in the way they view relationships much of the time. Even when a man spends time with you and seeks you out via phone and text and makes out with you in the broom closet doesn’t mean he necessarily wants a relationship with you.
If your new man is sending you mixed messages, sometimes it’s best to just ask what he expects out of the relationship before it gets too deep on your end. You may not like the answer, but it’s better to know now rather than later when you’ve already fallen head over heels and he’s still skirting around the edges of what could be a relationship.
Sex will never help a man “see your worthâ€. Sex is fun, and it can bring out the best sensuality and romance in people, but it will never be the same as a man’s respect. The desire to have sex in its very basic form will usually stem from a very pure attraction to another person. It may be pheromones, or maybe your new guy likes blondes, but physical desire and attraction doesn’t usually mean anything more than just that. It doesn’t mean that the guy likes your personality, and it definitely doesn’t help them understand what a wonderful person you are, or what you’re like outside the bedroom.
This may seem a little over the top for you, but asking yourself “does this man value me for the strong, interesting, amazing woman that I am?†before you sleep with a man may determine if sleeping with him will put you on unequal terms and understandings of what’s going on.
Men don’t fall in love with you because you’re good in the bedroom. Women, when they feel an intense physical emotional connection with a man, usually have at least a hint of emotional connection with him once the night is over. With time, this connection can get stronger and more intimate, making it even more challenging to deal with the aloofness of the man you slept with who obviously doesn’t feel the same way. Sleeping with a guy doesn’t mean he’s going to become more connected with you in any way other than sexually. A man’s love will usually come over time as he realizes you’re something special and he wants to keep it in his life. Sometimes this happens off the bat, but it’s rare at best. Long term love usually takes long term commitment and patience, and that’s exactly what you should expect.
Don’t sleep with a man unless you’re absolutely sure you are both on the same level. Know yourself – and know that you probably will feel closer and more interested in your man after you have sex with him, and he may not feel the same way and usually won’t for a long while. Sleep with him when you’re both ready to commit to trying something out and you’ve talked about it, and the right man will wait until you’ve worked everything out in your own head before involving him – if he leaves, then he just wasn’t right for what you need.
Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch.  You can reach her here: https://nancyscounselingcorner.com/contact-us
