Five Ways to Protect Yourself from Emotional Manipulators

For the last few weeks I\’ve been talking about emotional manipulators and the tactics they use to control you. The devastation these emotional predators can cause in your life is insidious and serious. These people can wear you down until you are a depressed, defeated shadow of the person you once were. That\’s why it\’s important to recognize the tactics they use to dominate you and to set strict boundaries to protect yourself from them.

Remember, you cannot change the emotional manipulator (EM). But you can change the way you respond to them. Once you identify the tactics they use, you can be prepared to change your behavior to protect yourself from their abuse.

1) Stand up for yourself. When an EM puts you down and makes you feel confused or helpless, fight back. Don\’t let them get away with it. Here\’s an example of an emotional manipulator trying to make you feel bad. The EM is doing a task—say, cleaning the cat litter. Here\’s the conversation:

You:  Let me help you with that.

EM: No, I\’ve got it.

You: Okay.

EM: (cleaning cat box) Sigh.

You don\’t say a word. You offered; the EM refused your help. Now the EM is heaving great sighs and making sounds of distress, as you knew she would do. She finally finishes the job.

EM: It would have been nice to have had some help.

You: I offered, but you refused.

EM: You don\’t know how to clean a cat box properly.

You: Of course I do. You know that as well as I do.

The key is to stand up for yourself and refuse to accept the EM\’s gambit. Once an emotional manipulator finds a tactic that works on you, you\’re sunk. They\’ll use it against you again and again.

2) Set clear boundaries. This is sometimes difficult since an emotional manipulator can be so devious you don\’t even comprehend all their maneuvers. Begin by having a conversation with the EM about what you will absolutely not accept any more. Acknowledge that you have put up with the EM\’s behavior in the past, but that you will no longer enable the abuse. Tell the EM that you expect them to stop name-calling, using sarcasm to put you down, raising their voice to yell at you, cursing a blue streak, attacking your character or any other behavior you find disconcerting.

3) Establish firm consequences. When an EM violates the boundaries you have set—and they surely will—they should know there will be consequences. Tell them you will no longer engage with them. You will leave the room. Then do it. Go somewhere else and listen to music. Have a bath. Wear headphones so you can\’t hear the EM. Whatever it takes. Be prepared to do this over and over until the EM changes behavior. You will have to stand your ground and not give in—ever. And do not bluff. Establish only those consequences you are prepared to carry out.

4) Trust your instinct. When an EM attempts to get you to do their dirty work, especially if it makes you feel uncomfortable, listen to yourself. If you don\’t want to do it, even though they seem helpless to do it themselves, refuse politely. You may even say something like, “I have every confidence you can work this out yourself.” Make decisions that feel right to you, not the EM. Many EM\’s have the ability to suck the energy from a room and from you. Resist that. Seek out positive emotions and what feels good to you.

5) Know when to call it quits. Sometimes relationships just can\’t be saved. EM\’s are emotionally weak and need to torment and control you in order to feel emotionally secure and fulfilled. EM\’s definitely need help, but they seldom recognize this fact. If you\’re in a relationship with an EM, you can attempt to get them help, but don\’t be surprised if they refuse. You could probably benefit from counseling, too. But ultimately you may have to severe the relationship.

Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional.  If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch.  You can reach her here: https://nancyscounselingcorner.com/contact-us.

 

 

If you found this post helpful, you might also enjoy exploring some of our other articles that dive deeper into the topics of relationships, communication, and emotional wellness. Whether you’re looking to strengthen your current connection, better understand co-dependency, or prepare for a healthy marriage, these related posts offer valuable insights and tools to support your journey. Take a look—you may find just what you need.

Related Posts

Is She/He Right for You?

In the rush of a new relationship, you stay up all night talking. You can’t stop thinking about him. And every minute you’re away from him seems to drag in slow motion. You’re in the first stage of love, and your hormones are racing. You can’t think straight. Because you are human, there’s no getting around your physical reaction. You are designed to bond, and in so doing, your body

Read More »

Gaslighting vs Respect

That’s a really important contrast to look at — gaslighting vs. respect in relationships — because they sit on totally opposite ends of the emotional health spectrum. 🔥 Gaslighting (Disrespect in Disguise) Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation where one person makes the other doubt their reality, memory, or feelings. It often looks like: “That never happened; you’re just being dramatic.” “You’re too sensitive.” “You’re overreacting.” Twisting facts to

Read More »

Where Is Your Soulmate?

Remember that great line from the movie, Jerry McGuire? The title character tells his girl, “You complete me”. Such a wonderful, romantic scene. And a wonderful, romantic notion: That your soul is only half there, and you travel the world until you meet the one person who completes the other half of you. Your soulmate. But that notion overlooks the truth. It takes time and energy to forge a healthy,

Read More »
RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING SERVICES

Find The Counseling Service That Is Right For You

At Nancy’s Counseling Corner, we’re here to support every stage of your relationship journey. Whether you’re navigating challenges in your marriage, preparing for lifelong commitment through premarital counseling, or working through the emotions of separation and divorce, our services are designed with care, compassion, and expertise. We specialize in Marriage Counseling, Relationship Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Divorce Counseling, Co-dependency Counseling—and so much more. No matter where you are, healing and growth are possible. Let’s take that next step—together.

Marriage & Couples Counseling

Marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires hard work, love, care, and understanding the needs of other people.

Relationship Counseling

Can help you find–and keep–the love of your life. Relationships are challenging and require an extensive amount of patience.

Divorce Counseling

Divorce Counseling is an emotional and strenuous thought for those seeking to solve marital problems.

Depression Counseling

Depression is a mental disorder characterized by at least 10-14 days of noticeable or recognizable low mood.

Co-dependency

“Codependency” is a term we hear thrown around a lot these days, though many of us aren’t sure exactly what it means.

Premarital Counseling

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Anxiety Counseling

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Meditation

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Hypnosis

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.