It’s Time for the Holidays-and Boundaries

I have a friend whose nickname for her former husband is Toxic Tom. He was just one of those people who walked into a room, took over, bullied everyone within a fifty-foot radius, and sucked the life right out of her. He made demands on her time and energy that she felt obligated to fulfill. While a certain amount of give and take is important in any marriage, she was all give and he was all take. That is, until they got a divorce, the most definite boundary line she could draw.

When you’re seeing family and fulfilling obligations during the holidays, you may not be able to avoid the toxic people you would normally dodge. So it’s extra important to be aware of those who affect you adversely. And have a plan for delineating what you will and will not tolerate from them, and where you will draw the line. In other words, establish boundaries.

It’s Time For The Holidays-And Boundaries Nancy'S Counseling Corner
Adult Family Around A Tree

Who are those people who leave you feeling depleted?

You may not have even been fully conscious of this before. But some people make you feel stressed and uncomfortable. They may invade your space a little too much—physically and emotionally. They may want more of your time and attention than you are able to give. They may simply drain you of energy.

Think about it—your time and energy are all you’ve got. Your currency, so to speak. If you spend it all on toxic people, you will have none leftover for yourself and others—those people you would really like to be around. So while you’re noticing who drains you, also notice who energizes you. Who brings out the best of your enthusiasm, your spark for life? Those are the people with whom you will want to spend your time and energy.

 

Assess what you do to sabotage your own boundaries.

It’s not always the other guy’s fault. You want to please—not a bad thing in and of itself—but sometimes you want to please to the detriment of your own well-being. Stop over-committing, no matter how good the friend or how fine the cause. If volunteering to organize your club’s holiday event makes you stressed, then remember to say no next year. Listen to yourself. Take time to meditate, or just be still and quiet during the hectic holidays. Tune into your body, and take your cue from your inner self.

Think through what you might say to people who make demands that violate your boundary lines. If you have rehearsed how you will address these demands, you will be better able to follow through when the time comes. For example, if a friend insists on a holiday lunch—even if you like this person—stop and think. Will your time and energy be better spent elsewhere? You may have to put him off if you are making other things a priority at the moment. You might say, “I have to make my family a priority right now, but let’s do it after the holidays.” Or whatever is true. Of course, if you would genuinely like to connect and feel your friend is one of those people who gives you a boost, then by all means, say yes.

The idea is, protect your time and energy-limited resources are easily depleted. Take care of these precious commodities. If you don’t, who will?

Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: nancyscounselingcorner.com/contact-us.

 

If you found this post helpful, you might also enjoy exploring some of our other articles that dive deeper into the topics of relationships, communication, and emotional wellness. Whether you’re looking to strengthen your current connection, better understand co-dependency, or prepare for a healthy marriage, these related posts offer valuable insights and tools to support your journey. Take a look—you may find just what you need.

Related Posts

Choose Your Partner

A friend told me that every time her husband touches her arm with affection, which is every morning as they wake up, she is stunned that he loves her. No matter what stupid stuff she did the day before, no matter how permanently flawed her personality, he demonstrates that he loves her. Unconditionally. He cherishes her and he lets her know it, even though he merely touches her arm. It’s

Read More »

What and How ADHD Affects Relationships

What ADHD Is in a Relationship Context ADHD isn’t just about distractibility or hyperactivity. It’s a neurological difference that affects: These issues don’t just show up at work or school — they show up at home, in arguments, in missed cues, and in emotional connections. 💥 How ADHD Affects Relationships 1. Forgetfulness & Disorganization 2. Inattention & Distractibility 3. Impulsivity 4. Hyperfocus (Ironically!) 5. Emotional Dysregulation 6. Uneven Responsibility ❤️

Read More »

Rumination vs Reflection In Relationships

Ah, going even deeper — I love it.When it comes to relationships, the difference between rumination and reflection becomes even more personal and powerful. Here’s the breakdown: 💔 Rumination in Relationships (Emotional Looping) Result:→ Builds emotional walls.→ Increases insecurity, distance, and mistrust.→ Prevents healing or meaningful change. ❤️ Reflection in Relationships (Healing and Growing) Result:→ Builds emotional insight and compassion.→ Deepens connection and understanding.→ Leads to healthier behaviors and growth.

Read More »
RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING SERVICES

Find The Counseling Service That Is Right For You

At Nancy’s Counseling Corner, we’re here to support every stage of your relationship journey. Whether you’re navigating challenges in your marriage, preparing for lifelong commitment through premarital counseling, or working through the emotions of separation and divorce, our services are designed with care, compassion, and expertise. We specialize in Marriage Counseling, Relationship Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Divorce Counseling, Co-dependency Counseling—and so much more. No matter where you are, healing and growth are possible. Let’s take that next step—together.

Marriage & Couples Counseling

Marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires hard work, love, care, and understanding the needs of other people.

Relationship Counseling

Can help you find–and keep–the love of your life. Relationships are challenging and require an extensive amount of patience.

Divorce Counseling

Divorce Counseling is an emotional and strenuous thought for those seeking to solve marital problems.

Depression Counseling

Depression is a mental disorder characterized by at least 10-14 days of noticeable or recognizable low mood.

Co-dependency

“Codependency” is a term we hear thrown around a lot these days, though many of us aren’t sure exactly what it means.

Premarital Counseling

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Anxiety Counseling

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Meditation

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Hypnosis

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.