You change. Your body changes. So does your partner’s. And a good thing, too. That
initial I-can’t-get-enough-of-you and let’s-have-sex-immediately is unsustainable. But
sex is still important as we age. Maybe even more important as a way to stay connected
and attuned to your partner’s body.
As you age, you slow down for a number of reasons–menopause not the least of them.
It’s perfectly normal. As our body changes, and our desire changes, so does our
relationship. It fluctuates and sometimes we are more eager for sex and sometimes
we’re relieved to go without it for a while. That’s just the nature of being human.
Stages of Your Sex Life
You go through stages in your sex life. When you are young, you explore and enjoy
lively sex. When you have children, a job, a home to manage, and all sorts of
obligations that keep you busy at full-throttle, your sex life sometimes goes by the
wayside. When your home life settles down a bit, suddenly your body decides to have a
mind of its own, and menopause hits like a meteor. Your sex life changes once again.
Menopause can mean vaginal dryness and delicate tissues that make sex painful or
difficult. But women aren’t the only ones who can find sex daunting as they age.
Changing hormones affect men, too, with softer erections and testosterone levels that
shift. In both cases, men and women can lose interest in sex. And if your relationship is
going through a dip and you’re not feeling as close to your partner as usual, your sex
life can be endangered.
A Good Relationship Is Good for Sex
If you’ve been going through a rocky time, the first thing to do is work on your
relationship. It’s not appealing to have sex with someone you’re fighting with.
Arguments leave you feeling at risk and vulnerable, and emotional intimacy can be the
resulting casualty.Depending on the couple, physical closeness can help you return to an emotional
connection with your partner. A sympathetic touch, a gentle back rub, a sweet kiss on
the forehead. These all show your willingness to be receptive to understanding your
partner. But it’s critical to repair your loving relationship with feelings of trust and
intimacy. So before you attempt to return to your healthy sex life, first repair your
emotional connection with your partner.
Sex Is Important
By the time you’ve been together for a while in a long-term relationship, you begin to
really know and understand your partner’s desires and needs. His body is a familiar and
delightful place for you, and you know how to ignite a responsive desire in it. With the
right attitude, effort, and understanding, you can achieve a sexual intimacy way into
your elder years. The result is a richer and deeper relationship than you ever could have
imagined when you were young.
Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective
counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: