A significant amount of online searches are porn related. One study shows it’s 13 percent of all searches, which is a lot when you think of all the conversing, shopping, information gathering, and restaurant reservations people make online. If your partner is one who is seeking out online porn, you may be asking yourself, “Is this normal? How much is too much? How does it affect relationships?” And, “Is my partner a porn addict?”
Addicts of anything, whether it’s porn or alcohol or whatever, share common problems. They’re overly preoccupied with the behavior or substance—the getting of it, the thinking of it, the need of it. They’re unable to stop themselves once they’ve started, or even to refrain from engaging in the activity to begin with. They have no control. As a result, their lives are adversely affected, and relationships are damaged.
If you wonder if your partner suffers from porn addiction, ask yourself if he exhibits some of the following:
Deception about it. Certainly, there is shame connected with watching porn, and addicts try to keep their activities secret altogether, or lie about how much they view pornography.
Irritability when deprived of it. When there’s no opportunity to watch porn, an addict will become restless and crabby until he can view it again.
Increased time with it. The escalated use of porn can be a hallmark of addiction. The addicted person can’t seem to get enough. Sometimes the type of porn changes from soft to hardcore to violent or fetish porn.
Disinterest in formerly enjoyable activities. When porn become an addictive behavior, other interests fade. Family, friends, work, and play take a back seat to the desire for porn. This includes the addict’s sexual partner, with whom he loses interest and finds it difficult to perform.
Sexual Dysfunction
A common sign of porn addiction is sexual dysfunction, usually erectile dysfunction (ED), but sometimes also delayed ejaculation (DE), or the inability to reach orgasm (anorgasmia). It seems ED knows no age boundary, and even young porn addicts have trouble achieving or maintaining an erection with real life partners, when they have no problems while viewing porn. Online imagery can be ultra-stimulating and exciting, and something with which no partner can compete, even when the couple loves each other. The addict still finds it difficult to perform because has been conditioned to function when viewing porn.
The problem, of course, is the addict is not the only one affected. His partner is in for deep disappointment because the sexual closeness one hopes for in a relationship is unavailable. Sex is an integral part of a happy, intimate relationship. When that bonding experience does not exist, the relationship suffers.
Next time we’ll talk about steps to take if you think your partner is becoming a porn addict.
Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: https://www.nancyscounselingcorner.com/comtact
Merry Elrick