How to Overcome Codependency

How To Overcome Codependency Nancy'S Counseling CornerYes, You Can Overcome Codependency

If you are codependent, chances are, you let someone else define you and your sense of worth. Your self-esteem is damaged, and may have been since childhood. And even though people dominate you and abuse you physically or emotionally, you still try to maintain your relationships. You try to please. It’s hard to admit, but you have been participating in dysfunctional relationships. You’re codependent.

Put an End to Denial

It’s very difficult to face the fact that you’re codependent, and may have been all your life. You have probably depended on denial as a defense mechanism to keep your pain at bay. So breaking through that denial feels like a terrible risk. And sometimes it means breaking a chain of dysfunction that’s been going on for generations in your family. Being the first to break that chain takes courage. And assessing your behavior patterns takes courage. But you can’t fix what you can’t identify. So you must strip away denial and face the problem squarely. It is the critical first step to recovery.

Let Go of Unhealthy Relationships

When you are trying to overcome codependency, you need to think of yourself first for a change. This does not mean you are being selfish. It means you are wounded and you must take care of yourself. This is often a radical change for codependents, and frequently very difficult. If you have been covering for an alcoholic, you need to stop calling the boss and making excuses. If you have been pleasing your friends by taking on too many tasks, you need to learn to say no. If you have been rushing to placate your partner’s temper tantrum, you need to stop. You need to disengage. You need to let go of your involvement with these people who suck your time and energy. Stop taking responsibility for others and start taking responsibility for yourself. You cannot fix someone else. You can only fix yourself.

Start Setting Boundaries

Healthy self-esteem takes time to nurture and grow. If you have been codependent most of your life, you are in a vulnerable place. You need to establish your sense of self without depending on someone else to tell you who you are. This takes time and patience. You will need to tune into your own feelings and needs and learn to communicate them in your relationships. When someone expects you to put your own needs aside to accommodate them, you need to say no. Let them know you are no longer going to dance to their music. You have your own song and you must listen to your deepest self. It is time to say no to others and yes to yourself.

Learn to Accept Help

As the person who was always the fixer, always the one who took responsibility for everyone else’s behavior, it may be hard for you to seek and accept help from others. But overcoming codependency is a journey and oftentimes a frightening one. You will need help to heal. And just as you would find a good doctor to mend your broken arm, you should find a good counselor to help you mend your emotional wounds. It should be someone you can absolutely trust. You must feel safe to explore painful feelings. You must feel that you can relate to this person in a healthy, mature way. If you try one counselor and are not perfectly comfortable, try another. You are too important not to expect to overcome codependency completely. And begin to live your life in new and healthier ways.
Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: https://nancyscounselingcorner.com/contact-us.

 

If you found this post helpful, you might also enjoy exploring some of our other articles that dive deeper into the topics of relationships, communication, and emotional wellness. Whether you’re looking to strengthen your current connection, better understand co-dependency, or prepare for a healthy marriage, these related posts offer valuable insights and tools to support your journey. Take a look—you may find just what you need.

Related Posts

Uncategorized
Nancy Travers

The Trifecta of Tortured Relationships: Why You Feel So Alone Together

The Trifecta of Tortured Relationships: Why You Feel So Alone Together When couples first come together, it feels like magic. You feel emotionally safe. Supported. Loved. Your partner is the one person you can count on in times of trouble and triumph—a true safe harbor. But over time, that connection can erode. You may feel alone even when you’re together. You might start to wonder: When trust breaks down, emotional

Read More »

Choose Your Partner

A friend told me that every time her husband touches her arm with affection, which is every morning as they wake up, she is stunned that he loves her. No matter what stupid stuff she did the day before, no matter how permanently flawed her personality, he demonstrates that he loves her. Unconditionally. He cherishes her and he lets her know it, even though he merely touches her arm. It’s

Read More »

What and How ADHD Affects Relationships

What ADHD Is in a Relationship Context ADHD isn’t just about distractibility or hyperactivity. It’s a neurological difference that affects: These issues don’t just show up at work or school — they show up at home, in arguments, in missed cues, and in emotional connections. 💥 How ADHD Affects Relationships 1. Forgetfulness & Disorganization 2. Inattention & Distractibility 3. Impulsivity 4. Hyperfocus (Ironically!) 5. Emotional Dysregulation 6. Uneven Responsibility ❤️

Read More »
RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING SERVICES

Find The Counseling Service That Is Right For You

At Nancy’s Counseling Corner, we’re here to support every stage of your relationship journey. Whether you’re navigating challenges in your marriage, preparing for lifelong commitment through premarital counseling, or working through the emotions of separation and divorce, our services are designed with care, compassion, and expertise. We specialize in Marriage Counseling, Relationship Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Divorce Counseling, Co-dependency Counseling—and so much more. No matter where you are, healing and growth are possible. Let’s take that next step—together.

Marriage & Couples Counseling

Marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires hard work, love, care, and understanding the needs of other people.

Relationship Counseling

Can help you find–and keep–the love of your life. Relationships are challenging and require an extensive amount of patience.

Divorce Counseling

Divorce Counseling is an emotional and strenuous thought for those seeking to solve marital problems.

Depression Counseling

Depression is a mental disorder characterized by at least 10-14 days of noticeable or recognizable low mood.

Co-dependency

“Codependency” is a term we hear thrown around a lot these days, though many of us aren’t sure exactly what it means.

Premarital Counseling

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Anxiety Counseling

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Meditation

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Hypnosis

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.