How to Heal if You Were Raised by a Narcissist

Whatever stage in life you are, if you’ve come to the realization that one of your parents is a narcissist, it’s time to work on recovery. There are things you can do right now to heal, as everyone with a narcissist parent will need to do sooner or later. The healing process will take some time, and it’s never easy, but it’s worth the work. Here are some thoughts:

How To Heal If You Were Raised By A Narcissist Nancy'S Counseling Corner

  • It’s not your fault. You feel bad about yourself. You feel shame and guilt, often for things beyond your control. Your self-esteem is in the basement. You may feel depressed. But it’s not your fault. Now that you’ve realized you’re the child of a narcissist, you can work on feeling better. You’ve taken the first step already.
  • Accept that you can’t change your parent. Narcissists are not responsive to changing themselves because they’re narcissists—they already think they’re superior so why should they change? Accept the fact that the unconditional love you crave will never be forthcoming from a narcissist. Nor will your parent ever show you empathy. Once you understand and accept this, you can grieve for the loss of a loving parent that you never had. Then you can move on.
  • Understand your family dynamics. If you have a narcissist parent, then the other, more functional parent is probably an enabler. Sometimes it’s harder to forgive the enabler than the narcissist, because the enabler didn’t protect you. You may even feel betrayed. Furthermore, you and your siblings may have been singled out to take on roles of scapegoat or golden child. The scapegoat takes the blame for family dysfunction while the golden child gets entangled in a codependent relationship, constantly feeding the narcissist’s need for being on top.
  • Establish healthy boundaries. Your narcissist parent has his own idea of reality and he tells you what to think and how to feel. If you’re the golden child, you’re an extension of your parent that he can control and manipulate. Your job is to reflect what the narcissist wishes. If you’re the scapegoat, your job is to take the blame for the family. Neither role allows you to be the individual you are—a thinking, feeling person with your own identity. Once you understand and disengage from your role, you need to assert boundaries so the narcissist can no longer control and manipulate you.
  • Learn to love yourself. You have been raised to think that your needs and feelings don’t count, because only the narcissist is important. You have been taught to believe what isn’t true. But your feelings do count, and a big step toward healing is to reconnect with how you feel. Listen to yourself. Try not to judge how you feel. Try to be aware of your needs and respect your feelings. This includes how you feel about your narcissist parent, who has done you harm. You may still love that parent and understand that that is how he was raised. Or you may feel used up and done with that parent. However you feel, recognize and honor it.
  • Don’t cause further harm. As the child of a narcissist, you have learned to blame yourself, and you’ve learned how to soothe yourself, sometimes in destructive ways. You may be prone to substance abuse and addictions that only exacerbate the emotional damage you have already suffered. Also, you may risk further injury by seeking out relationships with narcissists outside of your family because unhealthy relationships are familiar and all you know. You may have to repeat the past until you find the strength and courage to break the chain. Then forgive yourself and move on.

 

Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: https://nancyscounselingcorner.com/contact

 

 

If you found this post helpful, you might also enjoy exploring some of our other articles that dive deeper into the topics of relationships, communication, and emotional wellness. Whether you’re looking to strengthen your current connection, better understand co-dependency, or prepare for a healthy marriage, these related posts offer valuable insights and tools to support your journey. Take a look—you may find just what you need.

Related Posts

Choose Your Partner

A friend told me that every time her husband touches her arm with affection, which is every morning as they wake up, she is stunned that he loves her. No matter what stupid stuff she did the day before, no matter how permanently flawed her personality, he demonstrates that he loves her. Unconditionally. He cherishes her and he lets her know it, even though he merely touches her arm. It’s

Read More »

What and How ADHD Affects Relationships

What ADHD Is in a Relationship Context ADHD isn’t just about distractibility or hyperactivity. It’s a neurological difference that affects: These issues don’t just show up at work or school — they show up at home, in arguments, in missed cues, and in emotional connections. 💥 How ADHD Affects Relationships 1. Forgetfulness & Disorganization 2. Inattention & Distractibility 3. Impulsivity 4. Hyperfocus (Ironically!) 5. Emotional Dysregulation 6. Uneven Responsibility ❤️

Read More »

Rumination vs Reflection In Relationships

Ah, going even deeper — I love it.When it comes to relationships, the difference between rumination and reflection becomes even more personal and powerful. Here’s the breakdown: 💔 Rumination in Relationships (Emotional Looping) Result:→ Builds emotional walls.→ Increases insecurity, distance, and mistrust.→ Prevents healing or meaningful change. ❤️ Reflection in Relationships (Healing and Growing) Result:→ Builds emotional insight and compassion.→ Deepens connection and understanding.→ Leads to healthier behaviors and growth.

Read More »
RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING SERVICES

Find The Counseling Service That Is Right For You

At Nancy’s Counseling Corner, we’re here to support every stage of your relationship journey. Whether you’re navigating challenges in your marriage, preparing for lifelong commitment through premarital counseling, or working through the emotions of separation and divorce, our services are designed with care, compassion, and expertise. We specialize in Marriage Counseling, Relationship Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Divorce Counseling, Co-dependency Counseling—and so much more. No matter where you are, healing and growth are possible. Let’s take that next step—together.

Marriage & Couples Counseling

Marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires hard work, love, care, and understanding the needs of other people.

Relationship Counseling

Can help you find–and keep–the love of your life. Relationships are challenging and require an extensive amount of patience.

Divorce Counseling

Divorce Counseling is an emotional and strenuous thought for those seeking to solve marital problems.

Depression Counseling

Depression is a mental disorder characterized by at least 10-14 days of noticeable or recognizable low mood.

Co-dependency

“Codependency” is a term we hear thrown around a lot these days, though many of us aren’t sure exactly what it means.

Premarital Counseling

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Anxiety Counseling

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Meditation

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Hypnosis

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.