Guilt in Your Relationship

Guilt. Some of us feel like we’re born with it. Our parents or our cultures perpetuate it. We may even wallow in it. And if we do, we can be so overwhelmed by it that we experience physical discomfort. We can be so distracted by guilt that we can’t focus or concentrate. Our self-esteem erodes over time and we develop such distress that our relationships suffer.

In today’s world, when disparate demands push and pull us in many directions, you can suffer from a steady stream of guilt. When you’re at home, you feel guilty if you don’t answer a few work emails. When you’re at work you feel guilty that you’re not at home spending quality time with your partner. You know how it is.
If you are prone to feel guilty, a little voice in your head is always telling you you’ve done something wrong. Even though it’s entirely possible that you haven’t. Your brain is just set on guilt default.

Feeling Guilty About Feeling Guilty

You’ve heard it said that guilt is a useless emotion. So you can even feel guilty about wasting your energy feeling guilty! You feel bad about any pain, large or small or even imagined, that you may have caused and need to fix.

Luckily there’s a silver lining. People who are prone to feel guilt are also well tuned in to the pain they cause others. So if you have a strong guilt response, you are empathetic and feel terrible about what you’ve done to hurt others. You’ll probably go out of your way to rectify the situation.

Own Your Guilt

So instead of feeling guilty about having your brain default to guilt, you can own it and see it as a positive attribute. As a person who is prone to feel guilty, you’re more like to understand your partner’s emotions. And because you don’t want to feel guilty, you’re less likely to cause your partner harm in the first place.

Restore Your Peace of Mind

Once you accept and own your guilt, consider that there are times when you may have no cause to feel guilty. Consider that you may be wired to feel guilty, and you might have nothing to feel bad about. If you think you have done something to hurt your partner, try putting yourself in his place. Turn the situation around and reverse roles. Imagine if he had committed the wrong you think you did. Would it upset you? Would it hurt you in any way? If not, you’re probably fine. If you’re still in doubt, ask.

When you receive a guilt alarm, examine it. You may be getting an incorrect message. Try being as understanding with yourself as you are with others. Avoid taking on guilt when you don’t have to. You’ll feel better. When you are less hobbled by guilt, you are free to enjoy more peace of mind. And that is a state in which relationships flourish.

Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: https://nancyscounselingcorner.com/contact-us.

Save

 

If you found this post helpful, you might also enjoy exploring some of our other articles that dive deeper into the topics of relationships, communication, and emotional wellness. Whether you’re looking to strengthen your current connection, better understand co-dependency, or prepare for a healthy marriage, these related posts offer valuable insights and tools to support your journey. Take a look—you may find just what you need.

Related Posts

The Key to Love

Multiple studies have been conducted exploring the idea that two people can develop a close relationship by sharing their most intimate thoughts. In one famous study the two people involved began as strangers, but soon, through a series of increasingly more probing questions, they became close. The questions began innocuously enough, as a getting-to-know-you exercise. They progressed to more personal issues that left each person feeling vulnerable. When the self-disclosure

Read More »

Unseen Trauma, Shame, Codependency

The trauma of being unseen often lies at the root of both shame and codependency, quietly shaping how we relate to ourselves and others throughout our lives. This unseen wound—often rooted in early relational experiences—leaves an enduring imprint on our emotional landscape, one that can quietly dictate our behavior, self-worth, and capacity for connection well into adulthood. When a person’s emotional reality is consistently ignored, dismissed, or invalidated—especially during the

Read More »

Sex, Sex, and More Sex

Sex is often the cornerstone of a good relationship. Sure, it’s possible to have a wonderful relationship without it, but sex can really enhance and strengthen your journey as a couple. In fact, research tells us that couples who are committed long-term, and who can communicate with each other about their sex life, have better sex and have it more often than those who don’t talk about it. They feel

Read More »
RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING SERVICES

Find The Counseling Service That Is Right For You

At Nancy’s Counseling Corner, we’re here to support every stage of your relationship journey. Whether you’re navigating challenges in your marriage, preparing for lifelong commitment through premarital counseling, or working through the emotions of separation and divorce, our services are designed with care, compassion, and expertise. We specialize in Marriage Counseling, Relationship Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Divorce Counseling, Co-dependency Counseling—and so much more. No matter where you are, healing and growth are possible. Let’s take that next step—together.

Marriage & Couples Counseling

Marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires hard work, love, care, and understanding the needs of other people.

Relationship Counseling

Can help you find–and keep–the love of your life. Relationships are challenging and require an extensive amount of patience.

Divorce Counseling

Divorce Counseling is an emotional and strenuous thought for those seeking to solve marital problems.

Depression Counseling

Depression is a mental disorder characterized by at least 10-14 days of noticeable or recognizable low mood.

Co-dependency

“Codependency” is a term we hear thrown around a lot these days, though many of us aren’t sure exactly what it means.

Premarital Counseling

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Anxiety Counseling

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Meditation

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Hypnosis

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.