Five Reasons We Fail at Love

Five Reasons We Fail at Love

Time was, a few generations ago, that people got married and stayed married. They were solid. Committed. They made a vow and they kept it. It seems like they knew how to love or at least stay together. And now days it seems like people break up at the drop of the hat. What’s going on?

 

Relationship Ending

 

  • We don’t have experience in sacrifice. We haven’t lived through world wars, when everyone gave up their own lives to pitch in and help win the war effort. And we haven’t lived through the depression when everyone scrimped on food and saved string. We don’t know what it means to put someone else before ourselves—we’ve never had to. We’ve never had to make sacrifices in our own lives for the greater good. So we don’t know how to put our partner first long enough to develop a strong relationship.
  • We’re too busy living life too fast. Most of us live in cities where the pace of life is at warp speed. We’re goal oriented, chasing after that next promotion or that fancier condo. And we’re in such a hurry that we have no patience for the slow and steady nurturing that loving relationships require. There is no time to hold hands, sit on the front porch and watch the sun set. There is no time to spend quietly together to allow love to flourish.
  • We expect gratification to be a click away. We are used to getting what we want instantaneously, and the faster we’re satiated, the more we want what we want even faster. We seldom have to put much time and energy into achieving and acquiring things. But a strong emotional connection with another person takes time to evolve. So while there may be love at first sight, the maturity of a lasting relationship cannot be had when you’ve just met. It takes time and patience to grow together as a couple.
  • We’re not willing to invest in fixer-uppers. Nobody’s perfect. But we sometimes think it’s easier to meet someone new than to stick around and try to make a go of it with someone who’s not exactly perfect. We don’t give them a chance because we’re on to the next person, who won’t be perfect either. After all, it’s easy to meet new people—just enter your profile on any one of dozens of websites. But it’s not so easy to get to know someone well. To work at bringing out the best in another person. That takes a willingness to invest in a relationship.
  • We’re risk averse. It takes courage to let ourselves fall in love. To risk being hurt. To put ourselves out there on a limb and bare our souls. To be vulnerable enough to get close to someone else. To be so invested in another human being that that person has the power to break our hearts. We have never had to make these kinds of gut wrenching leaps and we aren’t prepared to do it, even for love.

But the thing is, if you find someone who might be your mate for life, it is worth the sacrifice. It is worth taking time and effort to allow love to flourish. It is worth taking the risk. Because the reward is nothing less than lasting love.

 

Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: https://nancyscounselingcorner.com/contact-us

 

If you found this post helpful, you might also enjoy exploring some of our other articles that dive deeper into the topics of relationships, communication, and emotional wellness. Whether you’re looking to strengthen your current connection, better understand co-dependency, or prepare for a healthy marriage, these related posts offer valuable insights and tools to support your journey. Take a look—you may find just what you need.

Related Posts

Is She/He Right for You?

In the rush of a new relationship, you stay up all night talking. You can’t stop thinking about him. And every minute you’re away from him seems to drag in slow motion. You’re in the first stage of love, and your hormones are racing. You can’t think straight. Because you are human, there’s no getting around your physical reaction. You are designed to bond, and in so doing, your body

Read More »

Gaslighting vs Respect

That’s a really important contrast to look at — gaslighting vs. respect in relationships — because they sit on totally opposite ends of the emotional health spectrum. 🔥 Gaslighting (Disrespect in Disguise) Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation where one person makes the other doubt their reality, memory, or feelings. It often looks like: “That never happened; you’re just being dramatic.” “You’re too sensitive.” “You’re overreacting.” Twisting facts to

Read More »

Where Is Your Soulmate?

Remember that great line from the movie, Jerry McGuire? The title character tells his girl, “You complete me”. Such a wonderful, romantic scene. And a wonderful, romantic notion: That your soul is only half there, and you travel the world until you meet the one person who completes the other half of you. Your soulmate. But that notion overlooks the truth. It takes time and energy to forge a healthy,

Read More »
RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING SERVICES

Find The Counseling Service That Is Right For You

At Nancy’s Counseling Corner, we’re here to support every stage of your relationship journey. Whether you’re navigating challenges in your marriage, preparing for lifelong commitment through premarital counseling, or working through the emotions of separation and divorce, our services are designed with care, compassion, and expertise. We specialize in Marriage Counseling, Relationship Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Divorce Counseling, Co-dependency Counseling—and so much more. No matter where you are, healing and growth are possible. Let’s take that next step—together.

Marriage & Couples Counseling

Marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires hard work, love, care, and understanding the needs of other people.

Relationship Counseling

Can help you find–and keep–the love of your life. Relationships are challenging and require an extensive amount of patience.

Divorce Counseling

Divorce Counseling is an emotional and strenuous thought for those seeking to solve marital problems.

Depression Counseling

Depression is a mental disorder characterized by at least 10-14 days of noticeable or recognizable low mood.

Co-dependency

“Codependency” is a term we hear thrown around a lot these days, though many of us aren’t sure exactly what it means.

Premarital Counseling

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Anxiety Counseling

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Meditation

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Hypnosis

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.