It’s the holiday season and while that’s often a happy thing, it’s also a stressful time. There’s so much to do and not enough time to do it in. There’s so much you expect from yourself, like keeping up holiday traditions from days gone by. But when you add those traditions to your own new ones, you discover something’s gotta give. Furthermore, you interact with family and friends you often don’t see the rest of the year and there’s a reason for it. You find their company stressful. Or you’re missing someone dear to you, a different kind of stress.
The trouble is, when stress accumulates, it can do so without your notice. So, you keep forging on. You become overwhelmed and sooner or later the pressure becomes too much. You suddenly discover that you’re on a short fuse all the time. You say something in anger and hurt someone when you don’t mean to. You’re anxious, but you keep pushing on because things have to get done and who else is there to do it but you?
Then, seemingly out of the blue, you hit the wall.
This happened to a friend of mine who married a man with untreated bipolar disease and at the same time, she adopted his daughter. She was also taking care of her sister who was dying of cancer. Not only that, she was holding down a full-time corporate executive job. She hit the wall.
Her doctor ordered her to stay in a dark room with no stimulus for long periods of time until she recovered. She protested that she had to go to work. That was non-negotiable. So, the doctor said when she gets home from work, she should go straight to her room, close the door, and turn out the lights. Rest in quiet and peace with no interruptions. My friend laughed at this advice because who would make dinner for her newly adopted daughter? Who would watch out for her erratic husband? Who would take care of her sick and dying sister?
The doctor insisted that she let everyone in her orbit take care of themselves for a short time while she recovered. Otherwise, she would find herself physically ill and mentally exhausted. In fact, she was already on the brink of collapse. She wouldn’t be able to take care of anyone.
So, she followed the doctor’s orders as best she could and sooner or later, she got her strength back.
How do you keep from hitting the wall in the first place?
- Scrutinize Your To-Do List. This time of year, especially, to-do lists become long and impossible to complete. Take a careful look. Do you really need to do everything on the list? Are there things you can postpone until after the holidays? Are there things you can eliminate altogether?
- Do Something Small. Break down your tasks into small parts and then complete something. You’ll feel much better. Vow not to feel bad about yourself if you can’t finish everything. Chances are you demand too much from yourself to begin with, and that can lead to shame that you haven’t lived up to your expectations. Be easy on yourself. Pat yourself on the back for what you do get done. And try to let some things go that are simply not as important. Ban negative self-judgment.
- Reach Out to Friends. Talk through your problems with someone you trust. Someone who will be sympathetic. It may be that all you need to do is blow off a little steam. It may be that your friend can give you perspective that you are indeed doing better than you think.
- Know Your Limits. Every human being can handle only so much. Pay attention to yourself and your feelings. You’ll begin to recognize when stress starts to build. That’s when you know you must cope before you hit the wall. When you know you’re approaching it you can step on the brakes. Take control. And remember to give yourself kudos when you do.
Have a great holiday.
Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: https://www.nancyscounselingcorner.com/comtact
