Our brains are hardwired for love. That is, we need secure, loving relationships to flourish. A fundamental sense of security and emotional nourishment helps us feel confident and happy. We when feel this deep love our immune systems are bolstered as well. By contrast, when we are isolated and abandoned we are vulnerable.
When we feel loved, we feel safe. When we are alone, we feel danger. These primitive responses are not dictated by logic. A strong loving bond is key to our survival.
What is a secure bond? It is more than having a supportive relationship you can count on. It is a deeper, more visceral physical and emotional connection. It is a love bond you can trust to be there for you—someone who will predictably turn to you, give you attention and the gift of being present with you. Someone who will be accessible when you need affection, a reassuring touch and in some relationships, a sexual connection. It is someone who will respond to you, feel for you empathetically, and be on your side.
Can you answer yes? These are the questions that give you a sense of whether you have a secure, loving relationship that will be a positive force in your life. If you and your partner can answer these questions in the affirmative, you are on solid ground:
Are you here for me?
Do I matter to you?
Will you consistently respond to me?
Are we in this together?
Do we belong to one another?
Get your fight and flight response off high alert. When you can answer yes to the above questions, chances are your fight and flight response relaxes. When you do not feel threatened or vulnerable, you have a better opportunity to flourish than when you feel endangered.
When you feel safe, you flourish. A secure bond helps you feel safe and when you do, you are more likely to open your heart, trust your partner, and share your hopes and fears. You are more likely to be empathetic and compassionate toward your partner, and he is more likely to feel the same toward you. You are also more likely to explore and risk trying something new, and thus fulfill your potential.
When you connect with your partner on such a deep level, you are flooded with a hormone that is associated with pleasure. That is the neurochemical effect of secure love and bonding. It is a blissful feeling that will help you and your partner be successful human beings.
Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: https://nancyscounselingcorner.com/contact
