A friend told me that every time her husband touches her arm with affection, which is every morning as they wake up, she is stunned that he loves her. No matter what stupid stuff she did the day before, no matter how permanently flawed her personality, he demonstrates that he loves her. Unconditionally. He cherishes her and he lets her know it, even though he merely touches her arm. It’s actually a small gesture that some would attach no importance to, but she understands him. His gesture is all it takes to make her feel loved.
Build Trust
Every time you choose your partner, whether it’s to acknowledge something interesting he’s said or to catch his eye across the room at a cocktail party, you build trust. You add another layer of confidence to your partnership. You find a way to telegraph your appreciation to the one person in the universe with whom you will travel through life. You let your partner know he is irreplaceable in your eyes. You let him know you cherish him.
Cement Commitment
The more you touch base with your partner, the more you build trust, and the more you build trust, the more you cement your commitment to the relationship. You establish that you’re a team—it’s you two working together to create a successful life. It means that even if you disagree with your partner, you work it out between you instead of looking elsewhere for a like-minded soul. It means you never betray him by talking trash about him to others. It means you’re always on his side. You are all-in at present, and you will be in the future.
Consider Your Partner
Even when you’re not in his presence, you consider your partner. You don’t buy the beautiful asparagus at the height of the season because you’re cooking for both of you, and he doesn’t like asparagus. He supports your hobby of collecting teapots and even brings you a special one he found at an antique shop. You follow through to make sure he sees the dermatologist to look at that suspicious patch of skin on his arm. He remembers to put the toilet seat down because you finding it irritating when the toilet seat is left up. You make decisions with him in mind, even when you’re not physically with him. You both are thoughtful about each other and show it in your actions.
Never Give Up
Commitment means you’re in a relationship for the long-haul. When you share a joke with your partner, you have chosen him to have a laugh with, and that is yet another gesture that demonstrates your commitment. When the two of you have nothing to laugh about and times are hard—which happens in every relationship–you remain determined to stick it out. You never give up on your partner, because the two of you are a committed team, so it would be like giving up on yourself.
When you choose to be considerate to your partner, to touch base with him, and to be thoughtful about him, you strengthen your relationship in small ways every day. And that can lead to a long, happy and healthy relationship.
Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: https://www.nancyscounselingcorner.com/contact
