Are You Losing Intimacy in Your Relationship?

There was a time before the modern age when you married for financial stability. Or for survival. Or to create alliances for political reasons. Emotional intimacy would have been nice, but not required in those long-ago days.

 

But today, emotional intimacy is paramount. It’s the main thing we want out of a marriage—to feel connected to another human being who loves and understands us. We want to be a team—two together facing the world’s problems and conquering them. We want to be each other’s champion. And we want even more—we want a partner who will inspire us to be our best selves and who will journey with us in the adventure of life. The key to all that is emotional intimacy. Without it, many marriages fail.

 

What happened to that emotional intimacy?

 

Many marriages start with emotional intimacy, but over time, it erodes. Couples get busy—they have work or family crises that need attending to, and their spouse gets put on the back burner until later, and later never seems to come. Sometimes there are conflicts that never get resolved, resentment builds, and couples have too much hurt to bridge. Emotional intimacy recedes further and further. And sometimes, marriages even begin without emotional intimacy because being vulnerable, and letting your spouse into your innermost thoughts, can be scary and something to avoid.

Marriage Counseling, Relationships Therapy, Couples

Is your marriage emotionally distant?

 

As obstacles to your emotional intimacy present themselves, it’s natural to cope by detaching yourself and becoming more distant. This creates a downward spiral effect, distancing you more and more. Here are some ways you might feel:

 

Lonely. It’s tough to be with someone and still feel lonely. You are in the same bed, at the same dinner table, going through life together but alone. It’s one of the saddest feelings there is.

Lack of Affection. If you are emotionally distant, one of the first casualties is a loss of affection. The casual touch, the goodnight kiss, the hand-holding, cuddling and sex. These things tend to fade away as your emotional connection erodes. The lack of physical intimacy exacerbates the tension in your relationship.

Conversations Are Lackluster. Your conversations are mostly about logistics and perfunctory topics. Do you need to take the car in for an oil change? Does the dog need a check-up at the vet’s? There are no more talks about how you feel and think and what you aspire to do with your life. Sharing personal thoughts is often a casualty of an emotionally distant marriage.

            Loss of Empathy. You used to feel connected enough to know how your partner felt, what movies she would like, and what restaurants you should try. But now, that understanding and sharing is growing dim. And it’s hard to offer your partner empathy when you feel he doesn’t make any attempt to be empathetic to you.

Always Arguing. Where you used to avoid constant disagreement, it is now easily triggered. Couples fight all the time about the standard topics—sex, money, household chores—but now every little thing seems to trigger disagreement. You’re loading the dishwasher wrong. You left the bathroom a mess. You’re both feeling irritated too much of the time.

Managing Your Partner’s Emotions. You’re afraid to say something for fear your partner will get angry. You watch your behavior so you can avoid setting off your partner. You’re taking on the monumental task of managing your partner’s emotions. It’s an exhausting endeavor, and very difficult to keep up.

Thinking of Getting Out. You no longer support each other. Your intimate connection has faded. You no longer have your needs met, and you begin to think how you might have them met with a different partner. You feel like something needs to change.

 

Something does need to change. But it doesn’t mean you have to go your separate ways. You can rebuild emotional intimacy. We’ll talk about how to do it next time.

Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: https://www.nancyscounselingcorner.com/comtact

 

 

If you found this post helpful, you might also enjoy exploring some of our other articles that dive deeper into the topics of relationships, communication, and emotional wellness. Whether you’re looking to strengthen your current connection, better understand co-dependency, or prepare for a healthy marriage, these related posts offer valuable insights and tools to support your journey. Take a look—you may find just what you need.

Related Posts

Choose Your Partner

A friend told me that every time her husband touches her arm with affection, which is every morning as they wake up, she is stunned that he loves her. No matter what stupid stuff she did the day before, no matter how permanently flawed her personality, he demonstrates that he loves her. Unconditionally. He cherishes her and he lets her know it, even though he merely touches her arm. It’s

Read More »

What and How ADHD Affects Relationships

What ADHD Is in a Relationship Context ADHD isn’t just about distractibility or hyperactivity. It’s a neurological difference that affects: These issues don’t just show up at work or school — they show up at home, in arguments, in missed cues, and in emotional connections. 💥 How ADHD Affects Relationships 1. Forgetfulness & Disorganization 2. Inattention & Distractibility 3. Impulsivity 4. Hyperfocus (Ironically!) 5. Emotional Dysregulation 6. Uneven Responsibility ❤️

Read More »

Rumination vs Reflection In Relationships

Ah, going even deeper — I love it.When it comes to relationships, the difference between rumination and reflection becomes even more personal and powerful. Here’s the breakdown: 💔 Rumination in Relationships (Emotional Looping) Result:→ Builds emotional walls.→ Increases insecurity, distance, and mistrust.→ Prevents healing or meaningful change. ❤️ Reflection in Relationships (Healing and Growing) Result:→ Builds emotional insight and compassion.→ Deepens connection and understanding.→ Leads to healthier behaviors and growth.

Read More »
RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING SERVICES

Find The Counseling Service That Is Right For You

At Nancy’s Counseling Corner, we’re here to support every stage of your relationship journey. Whether you’re navigating challenges in your marriage, preparing for lifelong commitment through premarital counseling, or working through the emotions of separation and divorce, our services are designed with care, compassion, and expertise. We specialize in Marriage Counseling, Relationship Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Divorce Counseling, Co-dependency Counseling—and so much more. No matter where you are, healing and growth are possible. Let’s take that next step—together.

Marriage & Couples Counseling

Marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires hard work, love, care, and understanding the needs of other people.

Relationship Counseling

Can help you find–and keep–the love of your life. Relationships are challenging and require an extensive amount of patience.

Divorce Counseling

Divorce Counseling is an emotional and strenuous thought for those seeking to solve marital problems.

Depression Counseling

Depression is a mental disorder characterized by at least 10-14 days of noticeable or recognizable low mood.

Co-dependency

“Codependency” is a term we hear thrown around a lot these days, though many of us aren’t sure exactly what it means.

Premarital Counseling

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Anxiety Counseling

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Meditation

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.

Hypnosis

Offers Premarital Counseling to couples in the Orange County area that are considering to get married or are already engaged.