Roger was happily committed to a relationship with Fran. Every now and again he’d visit a porn site on the Internet. Just for fun. It couldn’t hurt to look, could it? In fact, Roger thought it might spice things up with Fran and enhance their relationship.
Porn can be insidious.
Roger got a bit of a rush from watching porn—a pleasant physical reaction that made him want more. He began watching more frequently for longer periods of time. After awhile, he was more interested in spending time with porn than spending time with Fran. And while Fran didn’t object to a little porn either, he had begun watching it so often that he was ashamed. He kept his guilty secret to himself.
Fran may have recovered from the idea that Roger enjoyed porn. Although she did notice that Roger was not as available for sex as he used to be, and their physical relationship deteriorated. He preferred an actress on the computer screen to Fran in the flesh, a real blow to her ego. But the hardest thing for her to accept was the deception involved. Roger hid his habit from her and in doing so, lied to her on a consistent basis.
Do porn viewers find it difficult to perform sexually?
When Roger viewed porn a few times a week, he masturbated but he still had plenty of energy left for his relationship with Fran. But as Roger spent more time in front of the computer, he began to give his time with Fran short shrift. He started depending more and more on porn to satiate his need for physical and emotional comfort, and less and less on Fran. His intimate relationship with Fran dwindled.
Porn is sexist and degrading to women.
Porn typically portrays women in dehumanizing ways, objectifying them as body parts to be used and abused by men. When Roger watched porn excessively, he found it more difficult to relate to Fran as an equal. He began thinking of her as subordinate—one who was certainly not as physically perfect as those in porn films. There is no way Fran could ever compete with the multiple images of youthful, beautiful bodies online.
Is there a place for porn?
The problem was, Roger was getting a high from online novel and intense sex. While he had had this with Fran when their relationship was new, it had faded. After Fran and Roger sought counseling, they understood that some porn might be enjoyed occasionally together as a stimulating experience. With therapy, they discovered that the intimate connection they developed over time was even more satisfying than the excitement generated by porn.
Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: https://nancyscounselingcorner.com/contact-us.