Love and Sex in Your Golden Years

You change. Your body changes. So does your partner’s. And a good thing, too. That

initial I-can’t-get-enough-of-you and let’s-have-sex-immediately is unsustainable. But

sex is still important as we age. Maybe even more important as a way to stay connected

and attuned to your partner’s body.

As you age, you slow down for a number of reasons–menopause not the least of them.

It’s perfectly normal. As our body changes, and our desire changes, so does our

relationship. It fluctuates and sometimes we are more eager for sex and sometimes

we’re relieved to go without it for a while. That’s just the nature of being human.

Stages of Your Sex Life

You go through stages in your sex life. When you are young, you explore and enjoy

lively sex. When you have children, a job, a home to manage, and all sorts of

obligations that keep you busy at full-throttle, your sex life sometimes goes by the

wayside. When your home life settles down a bit, suddenly your body decides to have a

mind of its own, and menopause hits like a meteor. Your sex life changes once again.

Menopause can mean vaginal dryness and delicate tissues that make sex painful or

difficult. But women aren’t the only ones who can find sex daunting as they age.

Changing hormones affect men, too, with softer erections and testosterone levels that

shift. In both cases, men and women can lose interest in sex. And if your relationship is

going through a dip and you’re not feeling as close to your partner as usual, your sex

life can be endangered.

A Good Relationship Is Good for Sex

If you’ve been going through a rocky time, the first thing to do is work on your

relationship. It’s not appealing to have sex with someone you’re fighting with.

Arguments leave you feeling at risk and vulnerable, and emotional intimacy can be the

resulting casualty.Depending on the couple, physical closeness can help you return to an emotional

connection with your partner. A sympathetic touch, a gentle back rub, a sweet kiss on

the forehead. These all show your willingness to be receptive to understanding your

partner. But it’s critical to repair your loving relationship with feelings of trust and

intimacy. So before you attempt to return to your healthy sex life, first repair your

emotional connection with your partner.

Sex Is Important

By the time you’ve been together for a while in a long-term relationship, you begin to

really know and understand your partner’s desires and needs. His body is a familiar and

delightful place for you, and you know how to ignite a responsive desire in it. With the

right attitude, effort, and understanding, you can achieve a sexual intimacy way into

your elder years. The result is a richer and deeper relationship than you ever could have

imagined when you were young.

Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective

counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: