So, you’re at the ballgame. You’re jostling popcorn and a couple of fully-loaded hot dogs that you’re passing to your friend. In the process, you spill popcorn all over the stranger next to you. You apologize profusely, but the stranger yells over you, calling you a clumsy asshole and a f@*king idiot—a strong response for an honest mistake. After all, you didn’t do it on purpose. It rattles you. For the rest of the day, you feel emotionally bruised. You had some work to do after the game, but you found it difficult to focus.
When someone is rude to you, it affects your ability to think straight. Research shows that medical personnel who have been subjected to rudeness did not perform well. Their ability to make good decisions was compromised. Sometimes the resulting impaired decision-making led to life-threatening situations. So be sure and be as kind as you can for the sake of your own health! When someone is rude to you, you end up fixating on the incident. It makes it hard for you to focus on anything else and then your judgement is impaired.
How to Recover
As a victim of rudeness, you become flooded with emotion, and that feeling takes over. You are overcome by negative emotions. That’s natural. But you don’t have to stay in that negative state. Instead of fuming, you can think about what a bad day the rude person must be having to have reacted so unkindly. You can even think good thoughts about him. Surely, he’s not always so hurtful. Or if he is, what terrible life experiences has he had that made him that way.
Once you’ve calmed down a bit, you can try to get some work done. You need to train your mind to stick to your task. When you find your mind straying, you can take note of how you’re feeling and then steer your thinking back to work. You will no doubt stray again. Just take note and redirect your thinking again. Soon enough you will train yourself to focus.
Do Onto Others
You can use your experience as a victim of rudeness to instruct your own behavior. You know how much it unsettles you. Make sure you don’t put others through that same negativity by being rude yourself. Knowing how rudeness affects you can help you hold your tongue before you lash out at others.
Go a step further and imagine how an extra smile or a kind word can lift someone’s mood. Make an effort to tell someone they have a great stride or cool shoes. Be part of bringing more civility to your community.
Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: https://www.nancyscounselingcorner.com/comtact
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