Can Your Marriage Survive a Betrayal of the Heart?

Jenny wasn’t going to go to her high school reunion. She wasn’t one to relive past glories, even if she was head cheerleader. But then she heard that Josh, starting quarterback, whose class ring she had worn on a chain around her neck, would be there.  She couldn’t remember why they had had a falling out and gone their separate ways after high school, but she could remember, quite vividly, the good times they had had together. Just thinking of those times gave her shivers.

 

It had been a long time since she’d felt that way about anyone, even though she and her husband, Charlie, were deeply in love when they married. But time and work and a busy life had dulled those feelings. And Jenny couldn’t help but wonder how it would be to reconnect with her high school buddies, so she went to the reunion.

 

She and Josh seemed to pick up right where they left off, remembering old times. When Josh asked for her contact info, she was delighted to supply it. After all, what could it hurt? He lived far away and had flown in for the reunion. Maybe he had come all that way to see her, a thought that made Jenny feel appreciated and wanted, for a change. Oh, Charlie was a good enough husband—just not very attentive of late.

 

At first Josh’s texts were innocuous enough. But then they became flirty, and before you know it, they became more intimate. You can guess the rest of the story. One day Jenny left her phone on the kitchen counter and Charlie accidentally saw a text and then he saw what had been going on between his wife and Josh for months.

 

An Emotional Affair

 

Even though there had been no sex, Jenny’s intimacy with Josh was a betrayal to Charlie. The time and emotional energy she had lavished on Josh was time and emotional energy she had not spent on her husband. Of course, Charlie was hurt. He felt he’d been cheated on and lied to, even though the cheating was not physical, and the lies were sins of omission. He needed to heal from this emotional affair, and they both needed to revive their comatose marriage. Jenny wanted to, too.

 

They made a plan. First, Jenny had to cut off all contact with Josh, permanently and forever. She realized she was willing to do that, although it would be painful. But it was the price she had to pay to save her marriage. There could be no equivocating on this point.

 

Second, they had to find their way back to intimacy. They started with touch points—contacting each other throughout the day with positive messages. They made it a habit to say at least one kind thing to each other every day until it became an effortless ritual. This led to more emotional connection, which led to better physical connection.

 

Finally, they scheduled specific time together to be romantic—a nice getaway spot to find adventure together when the budget allowed. Or a candlelight dinner at home when it didn’t. The rule at these events was to share dreams and plans—not to talk about logistics or other routines of daily living. Over time, Charlie was able to forgive Jenny, and Jenny was able to stick to the plan, making Charlie her priority. They both experienced a more intimate, connected marriage.

 

 

Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: https://www.nancyscounselingcorner.com/comtact